Our russian friend SERGEY_ from CnCNet 5 is keen to playing Yuri's Revenge. However, he has made it popular enough to post these Soviet Jokes. Of course his grammar is terrible, but the jokes are overall understood. Some are funny, some are not.
<SERGEY_> who want hear soviet joke?
<SERGEY_> ok
Behavior of alchololic discussed in communist organisation
Communis say shame on you
the world near nuclear war
and you drink vodka too much
do you imagine what is nuclear war
yes of course he say
and what ask communist
it when you turn shower and from it stream vodka
It when you turn closet and from it stream vodka
And communist ask what its mean
Alcoholic answered - But nobody to drink it.
end
When were in history
first soviet elections
It was when god came with eve to adam
and say choose wife for you
end
What is common thing between
freedon of speech and oral sex
if you mistake in motion of you language
you came in ass
end
Is that right that USA have most big amount of cars in the world.
Yes
But USSR have the most territory for parking.
end.
In Egypt soviet archeologists
find mummy
but they cant uderstand who is it
and officer of kgb
say lets im trying to understand it
he go to pyramid and came back after 10 mins
and he say it amenhotep 25
but how you understand that ask him they
an he answered IT B I T C H confessed!
end.
In USSR find Stalin twin
and chief of kgb
came to Stalin
and ask him what they need to doing with twin
Stalin say shoot em up
chief of kgb say maybe only cut his moustache
and Stalin say good idea cut his moustache and shoot em up.
end.
if you know russian badwords
you know 90 percent of russian)))
end.
Where is country
with most secrecy in industry
IN USA worker dont know
what produce on near factory of same company
In France worker dont know what produce in near room
In USSR woker dont know what he doing
end.
Why Soviet Union choose Afhganistan for invasion?
They followed by alphabet.
end.
On the street.
Man carrying toilet paper asked by passer.
Where you buying it?
And he answered: oh it from wash service shop.
end.
Brezhnev(leader of USSR at 1964-1982) and Nixon (US president at 1969-1974) want to test loyalty of his bodyguards.
And they ordered them to jump in Niagara fall.
Nixon bodyguard reject this.
And Brezhnev asked: Why you reject this.
Bodyguard answered: I have wife and childrens!
Soviet bodyguard immediately jump into Niagara.
But at last moment he was catched.
Nixon ask him why you jumping?
Bodyguard answered: I have wife and childrens!
end.
in ussr was rising prices for vodka
son asked father
daddy,daddy now you will drink less vodka
dad answered
no dear you will eat less
end.
What tactic use Egypt against Israel in six day war? (1967)
It was like tactic Russians against Napoleon.
They trapped Israelis on Sinai Peninsula and wait when it was cold weather.
end.
Why you were fired from the service in submarine?
I like sleep with open window.
end.
